I had a friend , a cf friend this week decide they dont want transplant and I honestly dont no what to say to them. Not getting a transplant never came into my head, it was just a matter of when I needed to get signed up. It was after my major , life threatening lung collapse of last year that I automatically started getting signed up for lung transplant assessment. I just never wanted to feel that BAD ever again. I was exhausted I went to bed like any other night , and at midnightish, woke up not being able to breathe, i couldnt walk, talk, nothing...i started panicing, i didnt no what was wrong or what to do. Thankfully my dad heard me and 911 was called from there. It was terrifing. Also because when I got to the ER in my area they really didnt no what to do, or what was the matter. It took them over 2 hours to get a chest tube into me..for those 2 hours i had alarms going off everywhere, my heart rate was out of control, my o2 was insanely low, i couldnt ly down or sit up, i was in a weird hunched over postion, and they couldnt turn the o2 up afraid it would pop my other lung. I think its almost a good thing it happened. Because I NO how terrifying it is. I dont want to die that way. Sufficating!
So when this friend of mine tells me ..shes out.. she"ll just live the best she can till the end. I dont no what to say. They've given u a choice... "maybe die" or "die" and you choice die? I dont understand it. We are all fighters...we have fought our entire lives...and to just give up...it seems ...soo wrong. I no its such a personal decision...but I just cant understand ..why anyone would chooose to go out...like that. coughing..sufficating..terrifying...i dont understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment