Saturday, October 30, 2010
Yesterday was Bad
Yesterday we had to put down our 13 year old golden retriever Monty. That was so hard to watch. He had beeen ok the past week, we had found out he had cancer but yestreday his kidneys shut down and he wasnt getting up at all anymore. It was hard. I havent cried that hard in a while, thankfully hes at peace now. I don't really know what to say other than that.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sickness Continues
So this website lies ...I didn’t post on Wednesday...it was Tuesday ohhh well. It’s now Thursday and u know what, after coughing up a lung the last 2 weeks and being up half the night wanting to puke. The feeling of pukeage has gone away; I mean I’m not getting my hopes up because seriously vomit urge has been coming on strong and at the weirdest times. But for the time being I don’t have a fever, I don’t want to vomit and I’m drinking coke and it tastes like coke again. All my food had weird favours this past week.
Ever feel like your delirious? I’ve felt like that the last few nights. Like I know I’m not acting normal. Like stetching out, is how i'd put it. I've definitly stretching out the last couple nights. Been all figetly and cant focus. Plus I was straving but everytime I went near food gaging happened. Probably doesn’t help my sleeping pattern is all off. I usually fall asleep before dinner the nights I’ve come back from pre-transplant exercises but then I’m up till like 3ish, then fall back asleep till 10. It’s all over place.
Seriously though I’ve been coughing up an insane amount of stuff, I wonder how my body could have so much in it. Now I think the major issue is just eating and getting energy back. I’ve lost like 10 to 15 lb....thanks stupid cf clinic for never calling me back :P
Ever feel like your delirious? I’ve felt like that the last few nights. Like I know I’m not acting normal. Like stetching out, is how i'd put it. I've definitly stretching out the last couple nights. Been all figetly and cant focus. Plus I was straving but everytime I went near food gaging happened. Probably doesn’t help my sleeping pattern is all off. I usually fall asleep before dinner the nights I’ve come back from pre-transplant exercises but then I’m up till like 3ish, then fall back asleep till 10. It’s all over place.
Seriously though I’ve been coughing up an insane amount of stuff, I wonder how my body could have so much in it. Now I think the major issue is just eating and getting energy back. I’ve lost like 10 to 15 lb....thanks stupid cf clinic for never calling me back :P
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Crazy Times, Crazy People
Sooo I didnt do alot today either. I still feel like crap, though I am breathing abit better. I still have ongoing fevers that come and go when they please. I got my port flushed this morning *ouch*, friggin hurts. I mean I just dont like the idea of a needle going through all the skin layers on my chest and into that plastic thing in me. I left another voicemail with the hospital lets hope they actually call tomorrow and tell me what to do. Because this whole hungry but gonna vomit, cant breathe that great thing I have going on sucks.
I realise I have complained alot..and I really do feel lucky they even want to list me. That was what scared me to begin with , what if they wont even list me, what if I just have to die? so yes I am thankful they have listed me because I have friends that are not so lucky yet I keep staring at this pager saying GO off..and its only been such a short while. I have patience when I want to , right now is not one of these times.
*this is something I wrote last week*
Updated ME MYSELF and I
I dream of getting a bachelor of science, honors in nursing, though I’m not sure if that will ever happen. I graduated from Georgian College with a diploma in Medical Office Administration, so I can now work in a doctor’s office. I am currently waiting for a bilateral double lung transplant from Toronto General Hospital due to complications of cystic fibrosis. I can’t wait till I can breathe easily again. I love bubble baths. I also love hot tubs. I’m usually always cold, which probably explains why I like baths and hot tubs so much. I love the first snowfall, but would love it if it melted and left after that. I could eat Chinese food all the time! I am not a bar fly. I’m slightly sarcastic. I love sleeping in, cuddling, and I always fight for the blankets. Having some sort of intelligence is attractive; talking to someone with the IQ of cement is not. I believe kisses and hugs can fix alot more than we think. Being impulsive is my weakness. Corn pops and Rice crispys are my favorite cereals.I like using big words for no reason [ PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS].I love fairs, cowboys, oversized belt buckles, and corn on the cob. My lips always turn blue when I go swimming. I haven’t felt the same about ham since biology. Beer and coffee are not for me. I’m stubborn. I can be very shy or very loud depending on the person. If I love you once, I love you forever. Apathy is boring.I love music and dancing. I don’t mind driving. I’ve never been to Disneyworld or on a plane. I have a slight addiction to my cell phone. I don’t cheat. I love shoes. I love a good laugh. I hate when people drink and drive. I think smoking is nasty. I weirdly love Hawaiian pizza, brussel sprouts, turnip, olives and spinach. I’m addicted to coca cola. I love burning marshmallows over the fire. I eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. I don’t think world peace will ever happen. I think people live up to the expectations you give them. I love my dogs, my family and my friends more than anything. I hate when people drive slow in the fast lane or so fast there almost driving into other cars. Snow angels are fun. I have a twin, we look nothing alike...soo no were not identical. I have scars, 4 sets of stitches. 1 set has over 20 stitches. I’ve broken a bone and sprained, or pulled every muscle in my body at least once. Therefore I am a huge klutz. I’ve gotten into a car accident. I can program my own IV pump in the hospital *SHHH* I never do this *wink, wink*. A campfire, a canoe, a tent and the sound of loons in the background is my bliss. I’ve spent over 1 year of my life in total in the hospital, I’ve taken over 300,000 pills in my lifetime, had 20 picc lines, 1 port, 70 odd xrays, 1 chest tube, had over 8000 needles. I’m a test tube baby, a twin and a preemie. After all that I’m still breathing. I respect any person that puts there life on the line for someone else, my dad was a cop and my brother is in the military. I think our society is making people incredibily lonely and isolated. The foodnetwork is my fav channel. I believe in organ donation. I believe in ghosts. I used to believe we controlled everything, now I do to some degree believe in fate. I don't let go easy, when I fall, I fall hard, thats difficult to get over. I think the Toronto Maple Leafs are always gonna suck, then again miracles happen. Gingerbread houses are a huge tradtion to me. I love taking photos, some may call me a photowhore. I love Christmas more than anything. Any man in uniform is 10 x more attractive than a man without, don't ask why. Any man that can hold a conversation is amazing to me. Fall is beautiful. Waterfalls are amazing. Spice girls will always rock my world. This is me
I realise I have complained alot..and I really do feel lucky they even want to list me. That was what scared me to begin with , what if they wont even list me, what if I just have to die? so yes I am thankful they have listed me because I have friends that are not so lucky yet I keep staring at this pager saying GO off..and its only been such a short while. I have patience when I want to , right now is not one of these times.
*this is something I wrote last week*
Updated ME MYSELF and I
I dream of getting a bachelor of science, honors in nursing, though I’m not sure if that will ever happen. I graduated from Georgian College with a diploma in Medical Office Administration, so I can now work in a doctor’s office. I am currently waiting for a bilateral double lung transplant from Toronto General Hospital due to complications of cystic fibrosis. I can’t wait till I can breathe easily again. I love bubble baths. I also love hot tubs. I’m usually always cold, which probably explains why I like baths and hot tubs so much. I love the first snowfall, but would love it if it melted and left after that. I could eat Chinese food all the time! I am not a bar fly. I’m slightly sarcastic. I love sleeping in, cuddling, and I always fight for the blankets. Having some sort of intelligence is attractive; talking to someone with the IQ of cement is not. I believe kisses and hugs can fix alot more than we think. Being impulsive is my weakness. Corn pops and Rice crispys are my favorite cereals.I like using big words for no reason [ PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS].I love fairs, cowboys, oversized belt buckles, and corn on the cob. My lips always turn blue when I go swimming. I haven’t felt the same about ham since biology. Beer and coffee are not for me. I’m stubborn. I can be very shy or very loud depending on the person. If I love you once, I love you forever. Apathy is boring.I love music and dancing. I don’t mind driving. I’ve never been to Disneyworld or on a plane. I have a slight addiction to my cell phone. I don’t cheat. I love shoes. I love a good laugh. I hate when people drink and drive. I think smoking is nasty. I weirdly love Hawaiian pizza, brussel sprouts, turnip, olives and spinach. I’m addicted to coca cola. I love burning marshmallows over the fire. I eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. I don’t think world peace will ever happen. I think people live up to the expectations you give them. I love my dogs, my family and my friends more than anything. I hate when people drive slow in the fast lane or so fast there almost driving into other cars. Snow angels are fun. I have a twin, we look nothing alike...soo no were not identical. I have scars, 4 sets of stitches. 1 set has over 20 stitches. I’ve broken a bone and sprained, or pulled every muscle in my body at least once. Therefore I am a huge klutz. I’ve gotten into a car accident. I can program my own IV pump in the hospital *SHHH* I never do this *wink, wink*. A campfire, a canoe, a tent and the sound of loons in the background is my bliss. I’ve spent over 1 year of my life in total in the hospital, I’ve taken over 300,000 pills in my lifetime, had 20 picc lines, 1 port, 70 odd xrays, 1 chest tube, had over 8000 needles. I’m a test tube baby, a twin and a preemie. After all that I’m still breathing. I respect any person that puts there life on the line for someone else, my dad was a cop and my brother is in the military. I think our society is making people incredibily lonely and isolated. The foodnetwork is my fav channel. I believe in organ donation. I believe in ghosts. I used to believe we controlled everything, now I do to some degree believe in fate. I don't let go easy, when I fall, I fall hard, thats difficult to get over. I think the Toronto Maple Leafs are always gonna suck, then again miracles happen. Gingerbread houses are a huge tradtion to me. I love taking photos, some may call me a photowhore. I love Christmas more than anything. Any man in uniform is 10 x more attractive than a man without, don't ask why. Any man that can hold a conversation is amazing to me. Fall is beautiful. Waterfalls are amazing. Spice girls will always rock my world. This is me
Monday, October 25, 2010
So not so much of feeling better. I spent from last wednesday to part of today...monday on the couch/in bed. I just feel like im gonna vomit. now I dont no if this is because I really havent eatten alot or just because I want to vomit. Im also coughing up a storm and have lost 10 lbs ..* boo* pissed off. Clinic hasnt called me back, cf clinic that is..sooo im not exactly happy with them. Id love to no where all this muscus is coming from though..jesus. and its always the same I clap my left side and BOOM muscus. I swear this isnt an airway there its just a huge pit where mucus sits.
I spent all the other night pretty much praying my pager went off, if that shows u how crappy im feeling. and ya I havent even been listed a month I know full well it isnt happening for a good long while but I keep hopeing theres a fluke. Its that feeling like theres tissue paper in my lungs that is driving me crazy, inhale, exhaule...tissue paper sound...cough ..cough..= NO sleep.
PS clinics, doctors, nurses are fighting over me. I cant be everywhere at once. So I had excerise today, skipped half and went to the transplant clinic and now I have 2 different nurses coming tomorrow...1 to flush my port..the other..no friggin clue lol.
I dont mean to complain but I AM so sick of being SICK.
I spent all the other night pretty much praying my pager went off, if that shows u how crappy im feeling. and ya I havent even been listed a month I know full well it isnt happening for a good long while but I keep hopeing theres a fluke. Its that feeling like theres tissue paper in my lungs that is driving me crazy, inhale, exhaule...tissue paper sound...cough ..cough..= NO sleep.
PS clinics, doctors, nurses are fighting over me. I cant be everywhere at once. So I had excerise today, skipped half and went to the transplant clinic and now I have 2 different nurses coming tomorrow...1 to flush my port..the other..no friggin clue lol.
I dont mean to complain but I AM so sick of being SICK.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
October 20
I've felt sick the last couple days and really short of breathe. Vital Air came today and put my o2 up from 1 to 2 L sitting and 3-4 L walking around. When they checked my stats I was 81% while on 3L ..ya go figure. I need it. I do anything , including just tieing my shoes and im exhausted. I didnt go to excerise today, sooo thats never good. And i didnt get to cf clinic yesterday either so Im trying to get an appointment for next week. Fingers crossed they'll fit me in. Everyones pretty much already summed up that they want me back into the hospital, from my family anyways. Im not so into that as of yet, considering I just got out.
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