OK SO if you read my blog from this morning I was pretty negitive, upset, freaking out. I'm ok, I think I just had a moment of "OMG" , It just scared me. I'm so afraid of having to do the whole transplant over again. And yes if It came to that I would. Im almost hoping tomorrow they look at the UBER strong medication the ER in Orillia stuck me on and tell me that the pills will take care of it. I guess to Im SOO close to getting into nursing , to doing what I've always wanted too. I would love to stop with the detours and just GET R' DONE!!!! Just in case Ive packed a hospital bag ..but im hoping that for my first birthday with new lungs that me and my twin can celebrate it outside the hospital!!!! Just for a change u no lol
BEST video EVER I guarantee youll smile :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Pneumonia
Im gulity Im not going to school today, Im on day 2 for sick days at college, and this is only day 6..how does that work? I mean I can't go to school today I no this.. Im actually in pain and im exhausted. SO exhauted I havent been this tired for a long time and I know its because of the infection. I know what pneumonia does to you, and well my breathing sucks but I dont feel the need to cough...which I guess is because alot of my nerves were cut in surgery. SO the emerg didnt think I was that serious .Orillias emerg that is. Even though they said my xray looked terrible. They didnt want to admit me, they never even called TGH, which is the reason why I didnt want to go there to begin with. They made it easy on themselves...gave me pills and told me to call my transplant team myself...yet the guy next to me who also had pneumonia...they had him on ventolin and he looked like he was getting admitted...how does that work>??? Not only that but I went for other reasons than just my lungs and they were completely over looked.
Im just scared that something bads gonna happen and Im going to loose everything again. ...im afraid of rejection and Im afraid when I cant get people to understand somethings wrong. I hate not going to school....i dont want to be that person again...the sick one...ive quite enjoyed my 11 months hospital free....tomorrow that might change.
PS thank god I didnt let them take out my port a cath
PPS
You can tell when someone is really sick. The sexy hospital wear starts creeping out slowly. Sweat pants galore, then the very fashionable old t shirts of various sizes, then socks with slippers, the hair stops being combed for a while...MAKE UP? ya theres no way..., they look tired and usuallly wear housecoats or sometimes just blankets, and they can do all of this in public too and not care.... Sexy hospital wear it creeps out.
Im just scared that something bads gonna happen and Im going to loose everything again. ...im afraid of rejection and Im afraid when I cant get people to understand somethings wrong. I hate not going to school....i dont want to be that person again...the sick one...ive quite enjoyed my 11 months hospital free....tomorrow that might change.
PS thank god I didnt let them take out my port a cath
PPS
You can tell when someone is really sick. The sexy hospital wear starts creeping out slowly. Sweat pants galore, then the very fashionable old t shirts of various sizes, then socks with slippers, the hair stops being combed for a while...MAKE UP? ya theres no way..., they look tired and usuallly wear housecoats or sometimes just blankets, and they can do all of this in public too and not care.... Sexy hospital wear it creeps out.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
ya..
This is the first time in a long time Im not so happy, not feeling so great. Im worried. I have grade 1 rejection however I know it has gotten worse. My pfts have dropped and I feel out of breathe walking up stairs and long distances again. Im angry that I keep track of all this , but doctors dont seem to take me seriously. Ive had fevers over the last 2 weeks, every syptom you can have for rejection I have basically had.
Also my intestines are A MESS. Before transplant I new my intestines werent doing so great but now, this past 2 weeks ...it just hurts. I look like Im preggo when I havent eatten anything...Ive had stuff for it but it just seems to get worse...its just pain. Theres other issues too, stuff thats major but I dont want to put on here. Its just making me angry, no one is stepping up and taking care of me....as one person said that was talking to me is that TGH is fantastic with transplants...but the after care...well thats sometimes debatable. Having to argue to be able to go to clinic when you know sometimes wrong is frustrating..I no my family doctor cant do anthing about this..its to COMPLICATED. He knows nothing about transplants. And the walk in clinic doctor I had to see , he basically didnt want to give me anything....even though he admitted something is wrong. I had to convince him to give me meds. Im frustrated. If something happens because of this....Im be so angry. I want this hell to be done with...when , when AM I going to get a break! just to be able to live no strings attached....is that ever going to happen?
Also my intestines are A MESS. Before transplant I new my intestines werent doing so great but now, this past 2 weeks ...it just hurts. I look like Im preggo when I havent eatten anything...Ive had stuff for it but it just seems to get worse...its just pain. Theres other issues too, stuff thats major but I dont want to put on here. Its just making me angry, no one is stepping up and taking care of me....as one person said that was talking to me is that TGH is fantastic with transplants...but the after care...well thats sometimes debatable. Having to argue to be able to go to clinic when you know sometimes wrong is frustrating..I no my family doctor cant do anthing about this..its to COMPLICATED. He knows nothing about transplants. And the walk in clinic doctor I had to see , he basically didnt want to give me anything....even though he admitted something is wrong. I had to convince him to give me meds. Im frustrated. If something happens because of this....Im be so angry. I want this hell to be done with...when , when AM I going to get a break! just to be able to live no strings attached....is that ever going to happen?
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