Am I patient?

Im not. Everytime the phone rings I automatically think, LUNGS?? But clearly that hasn't happened yet. Probably just because everyone keeps saying it will be soon...it could 11 months from now. I actually dont no how "common" my size and blood type is soo if it isnt common I could be on this a while. I guess this week my breahing has just gotten soo bad I just was some relief. Its either my predisone dose is all messed up or Im actually getting to much o2, which is giving me Co2 posioning ..nice eh>? I have to wait around till monday for my RT to be working. So hopefully.
I took my o2 off while writing this because I honestly dont no whats wrong.. i mean I was short of breathe a week ago..but Ive literally doubled my o2 this week and even the slight physical activity like standing up is insane.

My brother got back from gagetown last night and we did part of the christmas tree...meaning i sat on the floor and passed him ordenments but i seriously dont have the energy to be getting up and down...just walking up 4 stairs out of the basement is going to be a bitch...gah. I miss my 30% lungs they were even better than the 20% ones I have now. I keep thinking..jesus if they go down any further im done...sooo fingers crossed.

Transplant letters

Im writing letters to my close fam and friends just in case "the bad" happens. It is kinda suprimely depressing. But I need to do it. So hard to say everything you want to to one person in a small letter. Im long winded i have issues with that.

I also feel like crap...i put my o2 up to 6 L walking today on pulse and 5 L on constant when I got to exercise. I was SOO out of breathe. Chayla was hilarious... " YOU take the subway?"...face was priceless. I was like "yup " lol "we dont drive down"...she was confused and thought i was nuts. Appartently when u need lungs walking long distances and upstairs is retarded lol..who would have thought? I no it is trust me it isnt fun...ill behappy when I get disability and maybe convince my dad to drive me instead.
OHH the other crap that happened today was that I had to get an ECHO at toronto general because i was in the hospital when my last one was booked..soo i walk all the way down to this cardio area..which trust me TOOK ALOT. then they tell me ..OOHH ya..we changed ur appointment to the upstairs clinic...go back the way u went then go up 2 floors..
I was not impressed. who has 2 cardio areas? i ask you? NOT only taht they didnt call the other floor soo then the other floor thought i was late or a no show so i ended up waiting around for an extra hour :P not impressed

Status 2

Im now status 2 on the transplant list...should I say woo? I dont no. I guess Im happy that they have "bumped me up the list" so to speak ..I mean Ill be honest I need lungs ..now would be good. Im SO afraid my lung is going to pop again. My left upper lobe has been bugging me ALOT. That is the side that collapsed in Feburary. Ive been taking alot of tylenol too. I don't usually take any pain killers so this week has been interesting and to be honest Im afraid to say anything cause I really dont want to go back into the hospital again anytime soon. Just my side does hurt and im getting out of breathe agian. I noticed it tonight.

Given that I was going from the house carrying my 10lb o2 conpressor thing, getting into my car when its freezing, into a hot car ...ya I had the whole "out of breathe , hyperventalting moment" but walking around in shoppers I was out of breathe the whole time! and then when I got home ..i walked up the driveway with the 10 lb thing into the house..and had a mini " HOLY crap I cant breathe moment" ...flash backs to febuary! I seriously thought my lung had collapsed ..scared the crap out of me. Because seriously if my entire left side goes down again..im screwed...i was over 30% then ..im under 25% now...i wont stay awake..theres no way. Dr. tullis basically agreed with me when I was in 2 weeks ago too..she said " well if ur lung collapses again, welll ....it wont be good" ya...not good as in ...ur scrwed lol...thanks. So ive been paying attention to my lungs ..more attention then usual i mean and its freaking me out. ..Pain here, pain there...coughing to hard..i just keep waiting for that moment ..were they really do pop again..that i cant talk or breathe .and need to call the ambulance....i dont want to relive that anytime soon.

I also have to keep undoing my bra..because i breathe better without it..any other girls foudn this? I mean my bra isnt tight lol sooo i dont get it...

I just want lungs. Now. Im not even upset about it anymore..im frustrated. Im tired all the time..and i was sooo out of breathe putting on pants this morning..seriously..friggin pants and i was hyperventating for 10 min! arg...i no theres tons of people lower than me..but seriously...i dont want to get any worse lol

Cf related Arthritis

So I woke up in EXTREME pain this morning. Ive had an idea that I have cf related arthritis for a while, but Im 100% positive now. I only get it every couple months and its usually when I wake up in the morning. It actually woke me up this morning it was so bad. Its always my knees. Shooting pains just all over my knee, it took alot for me just to get out of bed and standing and bending my knees was burtal.. i ended up slowing going downstairs and popping a ton of tylenol at around 6 am. Took an hour to work and since then Ive been ok. I looked up info on the ccff website and im impressed first they made there website better and theres actually info on it now. Appartently you can get 2 different types of arititis and im actually not sure which one I have. Appartently you can get it when you have a lung infection , or when your using alot of meds...etc. Soo who knows I just like having a bit of validation that I have another thing to add to the list haha and that Im not crazy.

PS I ate soo much food yesteday..the clinic put my prenisone up soo ive been eating like crazy. I almost puked last night because of all the food and even though i wanted to puke..i was still hungry .:S weirdest feeling ever.

CF issues to date:

A Pnemothroax
Meconium Illeus
CF related Arthritis
Hemoptysis (Not kool)
CF related Diabetes
CF related liver disease
Excess stomach acid
ABPA
Osteopenia
Distal Intensial Obstruction syndrome
Pancreatitis
and Im pretty sure I have nasal polyps but haha im ignoring it and pretending everythings ok . ( who needs a sense of smell anyways lol )

Have one sentence! "BRING IT ,CF >>>BRING IT, I GOT THIS!"

OHH stupid, stupid me

Sooo im retard offically...again. for the millionth time. I messaged moi's ex again, on facebook, why? I dont no. To be honest I dont really want to talk to him haha ,well i do ...but ...well its not the same anymore anyways. Use to be fun:) I highly doubt he'll ever be single again lol ..sooo ya..now...not so much... was I that bored? frig...wheres my girl friends when I need them?...oh wait its friday night..anyone with a life is doing something...i miss friday nights.
I put makeup on to put up christmas stuff....ya...lol

I also erased posts off my facebook wall..all the way back to 2006-2007...:P scary someone could read back that far if they wanted..haha all the way back to my first serious bf haha whos messages to me were still on there..god....highschool ....

My life has changed soo much in 4 years. Can't say I'm pleased with how its turned out so far. Im not a nurse,Havent been to uni, Im still at home, Unemployed and waiting for major surgery. WOO. My bro's 21 ..married, full time career ...planning children ...see why im poed? , hes going down the path I WANT SOOO BAD.

Self pity its disgusting...

At night

I woke up this morning with a start, My phone was ringing in the house,it was dark..i had a HUGE panic moment when I was like " OMG what time is it?"
and then automatically had a moment were I was like "shit, lungs?", thankfully no hahaha that didnt happen. Just freaked me out royally. I need to get organized...like get everything done thats gonna bug me if I dont have it done when I get the call...yes it could be in a year....i dont care..haha i need to be prepared..gotta finish writing letters

SOOO

Soo today one of my sisters friends said I should " keep a bag packed, she has a feeling"..now, this friend is usually right about this kind of stuff, seriously. Ive kinda gotten use to her " advise" sooo now im all parnoid my pager is gonna go off lol. We well see haha i guess if i get the call in the next couple days we'll no right? lol