depressed

im having one of those i want to fall in a hole type moments. Because yes im back in the hospital and up until this point I was ok. Then I found out that i need to go back to TGH tomorrow for excerise and im still in st.mikes...yes its not a big deal but my parents hover over everything and the one day Im gonna actually need help with the o2 and all that, they've decided ill be fine going on my own. I dont get it. They come when I dont need them here and now that I actuall need help...BOOM no one. Depressing. So ill drag my butt down there myself...and yes Ill be able to do it..just its gonna take alot more energy then it would have with help. #2 my ex who I still talked to as a friend texted me. I texted him a couple nights ago when I was bored in the hospital ...u know..a "hey whats up " text out of pure boredom. Appartently his gf saw it..and hey who new he was keeping it a secret he was still talking to me...I didnt. Well I guess shes not a fan, I dont really blame her. So he's pissed that he got in trouble. So I told him fine Im done talking to him then , have a good life..bye sort of deal. And now have the urge to cry. I've basically been using him as a cruch for over a year . I don't talk to him on a regular basis or anything but he was still there when I needed to talk. I guess I was still kinda talking to him as a bf even though its been forever since we dated. I mean I havent seen him face to face for a year and a half sooo clearly nothign was going on .

Its just now Im in the hospital alone, just got bitched out for no reason other than saying hi, and just ended a friendship i really valued. I'm gonna cry. Im hoping this is PMS and not me becoming overly emotional.

My problem with this is I just realised that Neil doesnt care if I die and he doesnt no. Thats my probelm. He doesn't care. I guess I just don't understand how you could tell someone in ur lifetime that you love them..and then not care if you don't know what happens to them. Cause I care what happens to him, but I guess because he has another gf now...it doesnt really matter what I think anymore...ive been replaced.

PS a person today was wearing a pager with the same ring tone as mine..theres went off...i almost had a heart attack.