OHH stupid, stupid me

Sooo im retard offically...again. for the millionth time. I messaged moi's ex again, on facebook, why? I dont no. To be honest I dont really want to talk to him haha ,well i do ...but ...well its not the same anymore anyways. Use to be fun:) I highly doubt he'll ever be single again lol ..sooo ya..now...not so much... was I that bored? frig...wheres my girl friends when I need them?...oh wait its friday night..anyone with a life is doing something...i miss friday nights.
I put makeup on to put up christmas stuff....ya...lol

I also erased posts off my facebook wall..all the way back to 2006-2007...:P scary someone could read back that far if they wanted..haha all the way back to my first serious bf haha whos messages to me were still on there..god....highschool ....

My life has changed soo much in 4 years. Can't say I'm pleased with how its turned out so far. Im not a nurse,Havent been to uni, Im still at home, Unemployed and waiting for major surgery. WOO. My bro's 21 ..married, full time career ...planning children ...see why im poed? , hes going down the path I WANT SOOO BAD.

Self pity its disgusting...

At night

I woke up this morning with a start, My phone was ringing in the house,it was dark..i had a HUGE panic moment when I was like " OMG what time is it?"
and then automatically had a moment were I was like "shit, lungs?", thankfully no hahaha that didnt happen. Just freaked me out royally. I need to get organized...like get everything done thats gonna bug me if I dont have it done when I get the call...yes it could be in a year....i dont care..haha i need to be prepared..gotta finish writing letters

SOOO

Soo today one of my sisters friends said I should " keep a bag packed, she has a feeling"..now, this friend is usually right about this kind of stuff, seriously. Ive kinda gotten use to her " advise" sooo now im all parnoid my pager is gonna go off lol. We well see haha i guess if i get the call in the next couple days we'll no right? lol

Wallymart

I had an awesome experience today lol an old man walked up to me and yelled " why the hell are you on oxygen " then i explained and he went "hmft" and walked off lol. I think he thought i was a smoker and was trying to give me shit. To bad for him. lol

I also bought more christmas stuff..which I probably dont need but OHH Well gotta love christmas. I also had exercise in orillia today..which was awesome is that my sisters appartment is like 5 min away from the hospital...SLEEPING in is fantastic. I like it there...alot more freedom.

I sound like a frog btw..one of my meds is making my voice go all funny and im not sure which one it is but I wish it would stop it :P Other than that im currently at my parents house setting up my christmas stuff here as well haha :) little christmas tree..woot.

OCD

I seriously think I might have OCD or just " dont touch my shit disorder". This whole being out of breathe thing is making me actually have almost panic attacks about what people are doing with my stuff and how i cant do it. OK soo i guess I could explain this better. I use to be able to move all the furntire around my room, take my laundry up from downstairs and ALWAYS had all my christmas stuff out of the basement early!

Well I cant do it. I seriouly cant ive tried i get dizzy and I dont have the stength. So when I got home from the hospital my parents had moved my room to the downstairs room because its colder and yes it was what i wanted. But coming home and realizing all ur stuff is now in 2 rooms and organization is gone and i cant find anything ...kinda put me into panic mode. And made me just want to yell at everyone to get out and let me fix this. And I really do appreciate the help its just ...im so use to doing everything...it was my control u no..and now I dont have it.

Christmas stuff is driving me nuts to. Somehow my stuff didnt rate a bin last year..soo instead of just picking up a bin and all my stuff is in one spot ..its spewed all over the basement and the odds of any of it getting up soon isnt looking great...which is pissing me off because ive been trying to get hyped for christmas...2 weeks of finding the stuff isnt even worth putting it up. SO yes im frustrated royally cause i cant just move big ass boxes anymore until i find my stuff..and when my mom did find some of it its well " some of ur stuff is there, somes in this box...is this urs' holding up something..and ya WONDERFUL help , but im pissed and ill admit it, my brother who doesnt even live here has a box..colleen had a box..I put all my stuff away last year in A BOX, soo why now is my stuff the filler in everyones boxes...it comes down too i dont have energy to go find all the stuff..carry it all upstairs..and then separate it into what I want going to the appartment. Its driving me crazy

SOOO happy

Kinda haha , I have NOTHING To do today..which is awesome..first day off in a good month. NO hospitals, no driving to toronto, just me time..and christmas stuff time. Plus I cleaned out my old room..well working on it. Getting rid of all the clothes that dont fit because I use to weight alot less than I do now..which is good for the cf aspect of things..put on 25 lbs since last year or more soo all the old clothes really dont fit.

PLUS it snowed! I love snow. lol finish this later

Bruno Mars - Grenade lyrics