Its almost been 10 months since my transplant and I can still recall EVERYTHING about that day and almost up to 2 months after. ITs been such a crazy year. I had to update a friend I hadnt seen since the last year of highschool and it went something like this " umm ive graduated college, but i got really sick , I got a lung transplant, umm ya..and now imback at school" and they went what!?? its funny how it fits into sentences now.." oh ya i just got a lung transplant in feburary, im good!" its like it was nothing when in reality it was everything. I remember sitting in my parents basement imaging what it would be like to get the call and then to be able to run again and jump up and down and i couldnt quite figure it out, I couldnt see it and then it happened and I can run and jump up and down and run up the stairs in my house. Yes I have rejection and trust me I am SO scared about it. Its onlyu grade 1 which means they dont even treat it at this point but just the thought of having to go through all that again , well it honestly turns my stomach.
If I had to I would but I never want to have to again.
Ive learned alot about myself however. I can do better public speaking then I could have ever had a year ago. That might be because Im so much older than everyone at college now and also Im not afraid of it, Ive been through so much now its like public speaking?? whats the big deal...ya i still mess up words and say "um " alot more than I should be honestly its been an eye opener.
I know what I like and what I dont and Ive started to actually defend myself and say what I want, Im sick of being walked all over. I know who my friends are, who actually care I exist. I know who loves me and who would have just sent a card if I had died. It opens your eyes.
Its also funny to be in a class with people who all want to be in the health field and realise more than half of them have no idea what nurses or other health care professionals do...if you dont like blood, or bodily fluid your in the wrong profession lol , or how everything is always looked at as it will work out. Its just maturity I guess, they havent seen or understand death yet. They dont understand that when people are sick sometimes they dont realise it and they also dont understand that not everyone wants to make it..some people will choose not to get help or in the CF idea....not get a transplant..and theres nothing wrong with that, its personal. They just cant understand it...to them your the sick person....and its funny for me to be in the position now where Im suppose to be helping the "labelled sick person"...what if they dont want your help> lol one of the first questions in my textbook was " Pretend you have a Chronic Illness and that your Dieing , how would you feel?" hahahhaa come on? is that irony or what.i was like " oooo hmmm i wonder how that feels can I just play back my life? its funny.
I realise what I believe in and how getting here has helped me. Im ready for life..finally.. I never knew people could breathe this well.. and its insane..it really is...i hope every CF gets to feel like this someday.... cause we deserve it.
Its Christmas and Im alive , thank you god, thank you angels, thank you donor. thank you doctors, thank you nurses, thank you to everyone. Life is a gift.
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